2010: The year Chelsea can break even!

Hi,

Just saw this piece by Graham Wray in The Sun newspaper. I couldn't help sharing it with you. It's so funny...

2010: The year Chelsea can break even!

Despite debts of £80million, Chelsea FC have announced their intention to break even by 2010. Here's how they could raise the readies.

1) Treble the value of Shaun Wright-Phillips by putting a Mars bar down his sock.

2) Sell Petr Cech headguards to Man Utd fans travelling to France. And anyone in the vicinity of Craig Bellamy.

3) Stock new lines in the club shop. Like Glen Johnson toilet seat. That lifts itself.

4) Get a sponsorship for every deflected Chelsea goal scored, recouping approximately £10million a season.

5) Offer new sites within the stadium for sponsors to place billboard ads. Like Drogba's huge a**e and Peter Kenyon's big bald head.

6) Make Abramovich's brown nosing mates pay to come in.

7) Sell off parts of the club's infrastructure that never gets used. Like Ashley Cole's left boot, Frank Lampard's head, Jose's humility and Drogba's charm.

8) Patent Arjen Robben's unique cream so that every 23-year-old can get to look like a funny little 52-year-old man.

9) Exploit the proposed tie-up with Disney by swapping Shevchenko and Ballack for Snow White and Dopey. On second thoughts, why bother.

10) Sell bottles of authentic Stamford Bridge "thin air". Okay, it's one less thing for Robben, Drogba and Cole to "trip" over but think of the cash.